i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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