Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
