oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
