3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
