he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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