How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
