Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
