Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
