It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
