my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My pussy is not your playground.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
