Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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