already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
