i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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