Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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