Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
