I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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