I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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