hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
