apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
