You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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