you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
