Whod you bang
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We have so much sex to catch up on
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
