Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
