What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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