Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
