I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
