I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
