3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i already hear my dad disowning me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
