I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
