Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
