At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Alive.
So much puke
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
