Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
