I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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