3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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