happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
