i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
