From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
