I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
