Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
