So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
