just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
