Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
