She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize