Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
