I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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