i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
