so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
