the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nutella sex= disaster
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
