I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
