I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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