Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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