Swine flu. Run for my life!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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