I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
