I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
