You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
