We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
