She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
