she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
