you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There's even glitter on my cock...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
