She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there is another microwave in the elevator.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
