Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
