sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize