I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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