you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
