So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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