So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
