The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
