genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
