he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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