So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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