we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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