I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
