They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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