who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
