I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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