he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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