please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
