Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
