Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
