I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And then he peed in my hair
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