"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
