I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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