We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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