none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
