weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize