I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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