So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
