Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
