cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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