Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
