So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
