Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
