it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
