she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
