Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
