So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
