Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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