the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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