Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Alive.
So much puke
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize