we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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