You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
