they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
