brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
